A Very Harry Halloween
by 0Alykinze0
Summary: Crackfic. Harry and the gang decide they should go trick-or-treating in mid-September; but they run into antics that delays their quest for sweets. Rated T to be safe.


**AN: This was something random I wrote a year ago. I harass all the characters, so beware :3 Oh, and this is mostly HP, but has tons of Twilight references, so its only somewhat of a crossover. ~ Aly**

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><p>It was an overcast and stereotypically unlucky-type-weather kind of day in mid-September. Halloween was still over a month away, but our favorite threesome decided they should be able to demand sweets from total strangers any time of the year, since they were all undeniably famous and superior. They should be given special treatment, at least that's what Ron assumed when he voiced the absurd idea.<p>

With that logic in mind, Harry blissfully skipped up to Hermione and Ron's door at around four. He was excited for trick-or-treating, despite the fact that he was now middle-aged. In an Edward Cullen costume complete with fangs and sparkly skin-spray stuff, he knew he was going to be even more of a teenage heartbreak then his amazing self usually was. He pounded on the door and called out randomly, "Happy Harryween!" It was all about him, of course - maybe in the future this day would forever be known as Harryween, and everyone would bask in his glory and worship him over his grave. Who knows.

Hermione answered the door. For some reason, she was dressed entirely in black, holding a cereal box and a knife. It took Harry a moment to realize she was a serial killer. She could be so unoriginal sometimes - why not mimic the godly figure before her and dress as a vampire? It's not like THAT costume is overused.

"Where's Ron?" Harry asked - he was anxious to get moving. He craved chocolate.

Before answering, Hermione, with a betrayed and murderous look in her eyes, blurted, "Who the hell are you supposed to be?"

Flipping his gelled hair, he flaunted, "Edward Cul-"

Hermione stabbed him in the stomach with her knife, which was apparently a real butcher knife, and screamed, "How could you? Team Jacob all the way, you ass!"

"Blimey! That hurt!" Harry clutched his stomach. After a moment it occurred to him that all the blood stained on his vampire attire made it look more realistic, so he let the wound slide.

Obviously not finished with her antics, Hermione rushed past Harry and stared into the sky, like she was possessed by some demon (and maybe she was, the entire series, perhaps?). In a hushed voice, she murmured, "Look, they're here."

"Who?"

"The Volturi!" she clutched her knife tightly in her hand. "They must think you're the real Edward, you bastard! Don't worry, I'll go fetch Ron - we can take them!" she stumbled pathetically back into the house.

Harry chuckled - like Ron was good for anything.

Sure enough, glancing up, Harry spotted the Volturi on broomsticks. He sighed - why did everything have to be so difficult for him? Was peace too much to ask? Apparently so.

"Wrong bestseller, go back to your hellhole in the Twilight Saga."

Cussing, Aro and his minions rode into the sunset. Just then, Harry spotted a certain blond-haired psychopath who was gazing lovingly at him across the street. Muttering about how idiotic people could be thinking that they could actually have some sort of jacked up gay relationship, he shouted, "Not interested!" to Draco across the street, who burst into hysterical sobs.

At that instant, Ron showed up, holding Hermione's trembling hand. He had on a completely black outfit, like Hermione, but with a full-color donkey printed on his shirt. He was costumed as an ass. Harry didn't get it - the purpose of Harryween was to dress up as something you're not.

"Damn! They've dispersed!" Hermione yelled despairingly. "Wait! Across the street - is that Caius?" Hermione pointed to the clearly Draco-figure who was having a temper tantrum on the asphalt. Apparently Ron was convinced he was an ancient vampire too, because with a melodramatic war cry, he tried to charge across the street, but ended up tripping over his own two left feet and fell on his face.

Hermione had a Plan B - it seemed she wasn't confident in her good-for-nothing husband succeeding either. "I'll take care of this! _Avada Kedavra_!" The Caius-really-Draco person twitched dramatically and died.

"Crap, Hermione, That was Malfoy," Harry stated, wondering how J.K. Rowling would handle them killing a major character, or how they would escape the rabid Harry/Draco shippers. He could imagine their bloodlust now...and speaking of blood, Harry had lost so much he was starting to feel queasy.

Hermione started crying, like she always freaking does, and stuttered, "Well, then where are the Volturi?" She reluctantly helped Ron up, who had bruised terribly from his minor trip.

He said, "Does anyone have any Advil? I think I broke my leg...almost fell into a plot hole too." Harry chuckled - wouldn't everyone be happier if Ron was forever lost in a plot hole?

Sobbing harder, Hermione murmured, "Now my worthless ginger husband is crippled! I hate my life!"

A few minutes later, after everything had somehow warped back to normal, and Harry had stopped bleeding, they collected their pillow cases - Harry's had Spongebob on it, Ron's had butterflies and rainbows, and Hermione's had Adam Sandler's face on it. it was almost seven, and they needed to keep moving. Walking into the night (and kicking Dracos' corpse on the way), they began to sing Christmas Carols.

It was going to be a good Harryween.

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><p><strong>AN: I know, it sucked, I just like how random and all over the place it is :) Review? ~Aly<strong>


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